Monday, December 1, 2008

Re-visiting old thoughts...

I stumbled upon my own words from over a year and a half ago today. I find it amazing how much this revelation still echoes for me today.

I was thinking about relationships and how in previous ones I never would have felt comfortable going on a week and half long vacation without my significant other because... well... I have no freaking clue why. I wish I had studied abroad in college, but I was always afraid to leave my boyfriend for that long. It's sad and pathetic. Even the major travel I did on my own in the U.S. (for my grad school program to Martha's Vineyard) was a program I signed up for when I was between boyfriends (though I was dating Mike for two of the three summers I went... funny coincidence that the last summer was the best one... haha!).

I think women, in particular, make a lot of their decisions based on the input of those around them, especially those they are romantically involved with. We are taught to compromise. We compromise before we are even asked to sometimes. We hope that the guy will look into our souls and see the great dreams we are giving up to be with them and realize how amazing we are for doing so and make it worth having done so.

Unfortunately, it never is.

This is the first relationship I've been in where I have felt both comfortable making my own decisions about things and supported in the decisions I've made. Sure, Min Gi would like to come with me (and I'd really love for him to be able to go), but it's ok that he can't. I still want to go. And I will.

My grandpa Joe whispered to my mom on her wedding day, "Don't give up too much, too soon." She said she never really understood it until much later, but she was lucky that she had managed to follow it anyway. My parents did Peace Corps together; they got their Ph.D.s at the same time; they waited to have kids until 12 years after their wedding. I had hoped to find that kind of partner early on... One that I could grow up with. But it didn't happen that way. In some ways, I'm glad it didn't. Now I know I can do all these things for myself. And will.

It's funny how it sometimes takes not getting what you originally wanted to find out what you actually need.

1 comment:

  1. Well, it seems we both have been extraordinarily lucky in getting just exactly what we needed. You are an extraordinary kid! Have fun on your adventure, dear.

    Love, Mom

    ReplyDelete

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